Who Cares?

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Today, a post I’ve been wanting to write for a while, two words that have really changed my life and freed me from a lot of expectations, guilt, and general bad feelings:

Who cares?

If you were to ask me the #1 topic people write me about it would be…well, okay I think it’d probably stuff to do with Hermes, honestly. I haven’t written about it in years but I’ve amassed quite the archive. But! A close second is people who want to pursue some artistic dream: whether it be acting, or painting, or writing, or filmmaking. Often those writing are in a corporate job and are afraid of some undefined consequence. Their coworkers or friends or family will not understand their desires; they will laugh at their output and judge them. And I completely relate to this because it is how I felt for a very long time; it is how I still feel often, and I’m not sure if I can ever be completely over it, but when I do feel those waves of anxiety wash over me I take the time to ask myself: who cares?

And truly, asking myself this question has been so incredibly freeing. Who really does care? And even if something happens – if somebody says they don’t like what you do, or they don’t approve – you can ask yourself this question again. Who cares? What’s the actual consequence of it all, what does it matter to you?

Our time here is – relative to many things – so incredibly short. The things I cared about, that I was nearly obsessed about, ten years ago aren’t the same things now. The people I admired five years ago, ten years ago, whose careers I thought were so awesome, which I thought were so aspirational…I really struggle to recall any of their names or what they did. That doesn’t mean that they aren’t still admirable people with amazing careers. It’s just that what I was interested in changed. At the end of the day, if you are afraid of judgment – no one is that interested in you. And if they are, and use that time to be negative towards you, I mean….that’s a little sad, right?

There was this recent article, in the NY Times, about a grandma doing a road trip across China. It was so inspiring. I mean, it’s a feel good story now, but just think about what she had to do to get on the road that first day! All the negativity she had to overcome from her family and friends. I love the way her story turned out. For sure not all stories end up like hers, with lots of press adulation and fans. Sometimes we just have our own self satisfaction. But I think that’s a wonderful present in itself.

The photo above is of Berkeley. I went there for college and to be honest I feel like I didn’t do much for four years. Like most people who are now older and cragglier – I really wish I had taken more advantage of my college years! I can’t wait to lecture all the teenagers in the same way that I was lectured years ago. BUT in the last decade or so I’ve gone back to the campus once or twice a year whenever I’ve felt down or a little lost. I go to one of my old favorite cafes and grab lunch and a drink and sit in Sproul Plaza. If class is in session over an hour or two you’ll see thousands of people – young students, older folk coming back to take classes, professors, locals, families. There are so many people and I like to think about who they are and they all seem so different and the only thing that links them together is that they’re there at that moment in Berkeley. The world seems very small and very big all at once and I always come back to that same feeling: that I should pursue what I want, that I should stay true to my heart and not worry about outside judgement because in the end, yes, I’ll repeat it one more time:

Who cares??