I last checked in on how life was going, post baby, about five months ago. Since its been about six months now since baby Feather’s arrival, I thought I’d do another update on life with baby. Thank you all by the way, for your feedback and words of encouragement! It’s been wonderful to read about all of your experiences and thoughts on children. Please keep commenting and sharing!
1. We moved. I had always planned to spend our first few years with baby Feather in our condo – yes things would be cramped, but a smaller space would make us rationalize our items and we would have made it work. As things turned out however, Mr. Feather and I ended up randomly finding a home we both liked (quite rare, as our tastes are quite different), and decided to make a move.
We probably had the worst timing ever in terms of having a baby and moving – we ended up closing escrow just a few weeks after baby Feather’s arrival, and almost missed our deadline due to the craziness. Compound that with a small remodeling project (do any remodels ever feel small?) and multiple moves, and it was a super stressful past six months. But now, things finally feel like they’re settling down, though we still have some empty rooms in need of furniture.
2. I’m back to my pre-baby weight (I hit it around 2 months postpartum) but my body is completely different. There’s been what I would call a “redistribution” if you will…and it it’s not how I would have chosen to allocate things, if you get my drift! I mention this because I had no idea that my body would change in this way – I thought that once I got back to my original weight, things would be back to “normal”. But now, there’s a new normal.
For those who asked about when and how I lost weight, I’ve thought about it and I didn’t do anything particularly special, except for breastfeed and run around catering to a baby all day long. I do always make time to eat whenever I want, and as much as I want. I’ve realized it’s important to have energy and feel well nourished…I’m not sure how I’d get through the days otherwise!
Also, one of baby Feather’s naps each day usually takes place in the stroller. He’s very used to having a walk, and gets a bit antsy if he doesn’t have it after a few days. So it’s been very good incentive, for me to walk almost every day….and the longer I walk, the longer he naps!
3. I’m taking more time off of work to be with baby. I actually stressed a lot about the career implications of my pregnancy, and always thought that I’d go back to work super quickly after having a baby. Kind of like Marissa Mayer style…well, minus several hundred million or so. But now, I’ll likely be home close to a year. I actually feel pretty guilty about my decision to take more time. Like I’m Leaning…Out. But things just happened this way, and I love my time with baby Feather. I’ve invested a lot in my career the last ten years, and I hope that will give me the flexibility now to take some time away.
4. Being at home with baby has been lonely, but also incredible. As I mentioned earlier, we recently moved, and our new neighborhood is pretty quiet. Even on the days with the most beautiful weather, I’m often the only adult outside walking…and unless it’s raining, me and baby take a walk every single day. My mom’s joined me on a few occasions and asked, “Aren’t you lonely walking by yourself all the time?”
Sometimes, my walks can be lonely, or feel a little monotonous…and honestly, so can some of my days. I used to have a life where I woke up each morning and went to an office, had a P&L, and interacted with at least 20 different people. I left the house whenever I wanted. I had some nice long holidays, and I was even lucky enough to spend the odd weekend with my husband in Paris, or Miami. Now, I’m already fortunate in that I usually see friends and my mom at least 3-4 days a week. But there’s still days that are just me and baby.
My father passed away 18 months ago. And since then, I’ve thought more about death. Not in a morose or depressing way, I hope you understand….but I do think about dying, all the time. I remember when my dad was lying in his bed, no longer able to stand up or move, and him saying to me how he’d just like to go outside one more time.
I often think about if it were my last few days on earth, what I’d like to do. Go back to Bali. Re-read a few of my favorite books. The list goes on. Whenever I’m outside walking with baby Feather, and I’ve been by myself in silence for an hour, just walking, and walking… I can feel alone. But at the same time, I also know that it’s precisely what I’d want to be doing if it were my last day here on earth. Did you know that you could feel tinges of loneliness coupled with absolute joy? I didn’t, until now.
And that about sums up my life – six months after baby.